OpEd: Female Multiple Orgasms… It's All in the Mind…

Being a multi-orgasmic woman is not easy.

Men are enamored of a woman’s ability to have multiple orgasms (MO).  After all, a boy’s first exposure to sex is usually his father’s skin mag and porn collection, in which women are always strung out on orgasm-induced highs.  Men can have multiple orgasms, too, but that doesn’t lessen the inherent jealousy many men feel towards women and our MO capabilities.

Multiple orgasms and the ease of having them is not the same for every woman.  Some women might be able to access that part of themselves more easily and have MO’s effortlessly — like the chix in porn seem to.  While we all have the “capability” of being multi-orgasmic, not all women know how to become multi-orgasmic — or want to.

I know that might be a bit of a shock to men, but many married women dread sex — they have no interest in it at all.  And why should they?  Studies repeatedly show 66 to 75% of women have never orgasmed during sex.  So why would a woman want more or multiples of what she’s never experienced?

The reliable information on women’s sexuality is still in flux. A hundred years ago, medical science said women were not capable of orgasm, now we’re pressured into being multi-orgasmic — then hated by men when we are multi-orgasmic!  Women can and do have orgasms, many different kinds of orgasms, thanks to self-discovery and self-pleasure of our multitude of spots and erogenous zones.  But women need to have the orgasms for themselves, not for their partner. And yet another reminder — MEN can have MULTIPLE ORGASMS, too!  (Jeez!)

Finding those erogenous spots and becoming intimately acquainted with them can be overwhelming as well.  As soon as a “spot” is located, a competitive goal-oriented aspect takes over and suddenly that spot or zone is the focal point.  Reaching orgasm by stimulating that particular spot becomes a “hell or high water” sporting event.

Also, I know many women who are over feeling like we should live up to men’s expectations of the multiple (faked) orgasms of the Silicone Barbie in XXX films.  Women are told we should talk dirty, wear lingerie, learn to striptease — when the hell have men EVER had to wear something special or learn to dance for US?!

Orgasm is all in the mind for a woman.  Feeling sexy, sexual, sensual all begins in the mind, but for the average woman, her mind is already filled with everything else she has to do as a wife, mother, employee, and household slave.  Feeling pressured to have multiple O’s to satiate the man’s ego creates stress which greatly inhibits the libido.  The average American diet certainly doesn’t help either.  Having orgasms then becomes something else that is for someone else — one more thing women do for other people and not for themselves.

This does not begin to touch on the fantasy world women create in their heads to deal with the mounting stresses of the husband, the kids, the boss, the neighbors, bills, and barely managing an over-scheduled life or reconciling the day-to-day mundanities of living an unfulfilled life.  A woman’s mind is overfilled and overworked.  Sometimes, there just isn’t room for herself or orgasm.

Some of us have had to learn to have multiple orgasms, and even still, we have to “work” for them. Sure, subsequent orgasms are easier after the first one or two, but don’t think we’re all going into cosmic orgasmic superconscious bliss automatically!  Especially in solo sex, where the woman is doing all the stim herself — the hands and shoulders get very tired!  It takes years of training to be able to zip right into the orgasm consciousness flow with little to no stimulation.

Maybe it’s easier to have MO’s during partnered sex because someone else is helping with the arousal energy… (which reminds me, summer’s coming, and I need to hire a pool boy 🙂 )…

For a while I was able to use less stimulation, but I’m trying new things — new toys — new lubes — new techniques,  So I don’t have one set way of doing anything right now.  I will update on my progress as it happens!

Aroused and writhing,
trish

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